Years ago I dated a woman from Mountain Brook, Alabama. One time I was driving with her family and asked if we could go by a cemetery in Mulga, Alabama, where two of my friends from the Army were buried. Lee got shot in Afghanistan and Cloutier OD’d on a Greyhound Bus. My ex-girlfriend’s family didn’t quite know how to react when we got to the cemetery—I’d been there for Cloutier’s funeral, but neither gravestone was installed at that point. So no one was prepared for the huge headstone in the shape of Chevy truck—the Heavy Chevy— with a laser engraved portrait of Lee leaning out from the Driver’s Seat along with the inscription “Nicky Lee, Baby Boy Born— Aug 2 1985, Died— Never — I’ll be hitting the switches low rider”

It was glorious. Perfect. I laughed my ass off right there at the graveside, the same way I’d laughed my ass off at Lee’s “go to war or go to jail” stories—he’d been a car thief before the Army. My ex-girlfriend’s family indulged me, and I got to say my respects to my friends. Cloutier’s grave marker was simpler, with a fish, a rod and reel, and the inscription: “Poon Dog.” We left. I have never forgotten that day. You can read more about both of them here I never thought I’d see the equal, headstone-wise. What could be more memorable than Sgt Lee’s headstone? Last month I got the answer: Sgt. Slinger’s headstone, in Salt Lake City, Utah. • • Strap in. We’re going for a ride. Last month, a woman in the English Department offered to show a group of us around the Salt Lake City Cemetery, up in the Avenues by the foothills. The Cemetery is huge and was a hot destination with photographers seeking a shot of the fledgling owls that nested up there. (https://kutv.com/news/eye-on-utah/salt-lake-city-cemetery-owls-pictures-photographed-with-point-and-shoot-canon-no-cell-phone-stuart-graves-finds-hidden-gems-during-daily-run-canon-sure-shot-brood-owlets) • • We first went up to see the grave of Lilly E. Gray, which has become a bit of a local legendary spot due to the writing on the gravestone: “Victim of the Beast 666.” Apparently the beast is the federal government. Someone asked me if I spent much time in cemeteries. The answer is…yes. Here are five Hunt for Tom Clancy Dispatches that take place in Cemeteries Now, back the the Salt Lake City Cemetery. • • Walking back from Mrs. Gray’s grave, I noticed a single glass affixed to the top of a grave decorated with the American flag and decided to check it out. • • I am so glad I did. Here’s the headstone for Robert Carl Slinger. He might not be dead. (https://valorguardians.com/blog/?p=76615) • • His headstone is certainly alive. • • I encourage you to read this whole inscription • • “So now I will go where Dragons are Evil And many. Where the wicked rule in complete and total darkness. Where the horrid Stench of Death is the only air to breath at the Gates of Hell ““Now Open Your Ears Lucifer.”” I am armed with the Silver Sword of the risen Lord of hosts. I am hunting You Lucifer with a Steadfast Determination as eternal as Space and Time. At this very moment, I am slashing and slaughtering the Undead legion of Hell With Righteous Anger, a very Blood Stained wake through the Dark and Descending Labyrinth of the Nether World “Hell Hath No Fury Like An Army Sergeant Scorned.” I have the Force with me. I am closing in on you now Lucifer, be afraid. I am a true deciple of Sun Tzu, Yoda, Ragnar Lothbrok, And the Lord Jesus Christ. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil.” I’ve been quoting from that headstone/grave marker since I saw it, showing the photos to everyone I’ve come across. Now I show the photos to you! In the meantime, if you’d become a paid subscriber to “The Hunt for Tom Clancy” I can promise you a whole host of weird dispatches along these lines. The Time is Now. The Hero is You. You can be a Hero. All You have to Do is Subscribe. Thanks, as always, for reading! Matt