I feel a lot of affection for a friend at work – could I be in love? The author questions whether deep affection and imagined future activities with a male friend, with whom she works and has some physical contact, constitute love or a very close friendship. Psychoanalytic psychotherapist Susanna Abse suggests exploring the desire for a sexual relationship and the hesitancy to act on feelings as key indicators. Abse encourages self-discovery and taking calculated risks to understand the nature of the relationship and personal desires.

• The author experiences deep affection and imagines a future with a male friend from work, questioning if it’s love.
• Her feelings have developed over months, and while she doesn’t find him perfect, she desires more time together.
• Psychoanalyst Susanna Abse differentiates between ‘explosive’ love and ‘pragmatic’ get-togethers, asking about fantasies of sex.
• Abse suggests that if the desire is for a sexual relationship, the hesitancy to explore it involves understanding personal jeopardy and the potential impact on the friendship.
• The author is encouraged to consider how her actions would change if she accepted she was in love, as a way to understand her true feelings.