I am guessing IQ is like height. Women refuse to consider anyone who is not at least 120.

Luckily, I’ve noticed that while women prefer intelligent and athletic men, they tend to be very bad judges of what constitutes either and just confuse confidence for both.

Of course.

Meaning your husband is the brains of the outfit even though you’ve plenty of your own?

Roflmao just realized that we’re effectively in the same boat, just at opposite ends.

It just occured to me that, since we’re two software engineers in home office, and our hobby is also software engineering, there’s hardly any visible difference between either of us working or not working.

It took my daughter a couple of weeks to notice that I had lost my job. 😂

I don’t think jobs matter as much to the dynamic as they used to be, as so many women are now working that it’s no longer seen as something particularly masculine, to have a day job. And jobs just aren’t as dangerous or edgy. She’s probably not a roofer or a coal miner, or something. It’s a bunch of people fiddling around on keyboards at their desks, which is sort of gay, as everyone is now some sort of glorified AI babysitter. If you even have a job, as we’re all getting laid off, eventually.

But, yeah, even when I was working and he wasn’t, I would get all bent out of shape, if he expected me to choose the restaurant for dinner or whatnot. It was arguably even worse, when I was working, as I’d spend all day at the office and come home and just want to shut my brains off a bit and be led around like a puppy on a leash, and it’s like, I work like a man all day and now you make me choose the damn restaurant it is so over I hate my life why don’t you love me. 🤣

Well it makes me upset! And that’s probably a good thing. Mostly it’s that I have to admit to being fairly emasculated as a stay at home dad. My wife had the better job and more debt when it came time for one of us to stay home. But now I have next to no energy for typical man things and my wife has no energy for typical woman things. It’s kind of messed up.

But at the same time it’s ok. We have both unintentionally internalized feminist thought processes embedded in our culture so it’s a bit hard for me to just tell my wife what to do. I feel icky and she resents it even though we both know those feelings are disordered. But even with that. She does just want me to tell her what to do most of the time and is by far at her happiest when she just does it.

I do actually make nearly all the decisions and she tends to ask permission even in cases where I wouldn’t expect her to need to. It somewhat helps that she is somewhat overawed. She is very intelligent, but is also acutely aware that she is giving up something like 1.5 standard deviations in our house.

I am not sure what our relationship would be like if that wasn’t the case. I guess I could always fall back on being nearly twice her size 😛

Also, I still have most of the outer controls. I’m not floundering about in unbounded nothingness, like most modern wives, merely because civil marriage law has succumbed. I don’t have to be frigid, to be chaste, because I am constantly under pressure from my environment, to remain chaste, and I have removed myself from most counter-pressure to be unchaste.

The winning combination will be genes AND memes, I think, as always. Evolution applies to entire societies and sub-societies, as well as to individuals.

I was thinking about this, some more, and I’m afraid our conversation wasn’t from first principles.

If you watch the dating podcast (don’t), she explains that she decided to finally marry after a date lured her down a dark alleyway, slammed her up against the wall and ravished her, and then threw her in the car and kidnapped her. She loved it! Finally, someone who knows how to properly take away her agency and treat her a bit shabbily. 🤣 (And my own description of my wooing is also always some variant and then he threw me over his shoulder and marched off to his lair. Mating stories tend to be like that. And he was relentless… I said no, but he knew what he wanted and was so determined… He swept me off my feet… He gave me an ultimatum… And then I converted and learned to love the viel… Etc.)

During her dating years, she got to call the shots and she eventually just got incredibly bored of always having to call the shots. As that isn’t the natural state of most woman, it’s more like temporary play-acting, to impress your friends with how much you can get men to do what you want and act like a queen bee. That’s why it’s fun, but not fulfilling. And that’s why the women with lots of friends seem to enjoy dating more, as they are doing it as a sort of group-hobby and get to chatter about it, afterward. If you go on a date and have no BFF to tell-all to, did it even happen? If you suffered lots of drama and didn’t get to retell it on Girl’s Night, was the drama even exciting?

The whole difference between dating (woman owns herself and gets to call the shots and say what is what) and marriage (woman is owned by man and he gets to call the shots and say what is what) makes it sound like women would hate marriage. Marriage is a state in which women are constantly put-upon. Even a happy marriage will tend to raise her stress levels, due to the rise in responsibility and loss of control. (Men spend their entire lives in that state, but women are generally more coddled and comfortable.) But, what we see, is that the women with the most-stable marriages are the ones who give up at least some of their agency when they marry (either to a mildly-overbearing husband, frequent pregnancy, or to some strict religious or cultural dictates, etc.)

Or women who have simply been dating for so long, that it stops being fun. They are then grateful to not have to bother with it, anymore, and just want a quiet, sane existence. The Husband As Life Raft model of marriage, which is how most modern marriages seem to be. Women exhaust themselves, dating, and then sort of pass out in relief, on their wedding night. They aren’t going anywhere; they’ve already been everywhere.

And, along with that, women really struggle with being bred to lose agency, once they marry, but modern men adamantly requiring them to retain it. The sort of you do whatever you want, honey husband. Husbands used to be extremely rigorous about mate-guarding and didn’t assume that their wives had (full) sexual agency, so if you tried to come on to his wife, he’d mate-guard her and tell you off, or even punch you in the face. He didn’t turn and ask his wife, “Would you prefer to have sex with him, darling? Do you like him better?” Which is effectively what many modern men tend to do, and it grosses women out and means that there’s no deterrent to interlopers remaining.

The deterrent was never that women didn’t want to have sex with men other than their husbands (that would make them effectively asexual and preclude their ability to remarry when widowed). It was that their husband was the predetermined hero in most attempts at luring her off and then she got to enjoy the high of getting to have sex with the newly-confirmed hero. (Or nobody even attempted anything, and then she was just grateful to have a husband, so that at least one man wanted her and kept her in the mid-range of the social-sexual hierarchy.) Feminists complained that this is completely uncivilized, but that was just a shit-test. Women generally like a bit of brutishness and possessiveness and arrogance, just not too much. (A lot of feminism is just women telling men to do things women don’t actually want them to do, to see if they are silly enough to do it, to weed out men they don’t want to sleep with. But I digress.)

Women are marrying, but being left in a state of dating, where they have to re-decide, every damned day, if they even want to be married. And at some point, they just sort of get tired of the idiocy of their situation and wander off. Usually with someone who seems more confident, attentive, and less… limp.

I don’t think this has anything to do with libido. It’s psychological. Marriage used to be mentally, emotionally, sexually, and physically taxing for women. That was their personal struggle and it consumed their mental energy. There’s simply no struggle left in marriage, so women turn to the workplace for excitement. Women were arguably expected to struggle too hard, in the medieval age. They were getting smacked around, and when they complained, they were often told to simply go home and stop whining. But women now complain that he doesn’t want her to sleep with the gardener or that he asked her wear her hair the way he prefers, and everyone is HORRIFIED that she should be so boxed-in and repressed. Total overshoot, rather than correction.

This is all a bit confused and probably upsets everyone who reads it, but I think it is at least leaning toward an explanation of the problematic dynamic modern women find themselves in.

Thank you for your very thoughtful and comprehensive response.🫂🥰👍😀

You make some great points, and I better understand your perspective. Along with you, I abhor all the “marriage counterfeits” we observe in “modern” times, but my observation is that every aberration you’ve enumerated has been strongly facilitated and encouraged by the state, which (falsely) claims the right to all property, including our very souls.

Reflecting on your final paragraph, you are utterly correct in pointing out that Jesus/God gave man possession of the universe; another creation ordinance is that we “take dominion” of that creation. However, NOWHERE in Scripture does God give us dominion over one another; a privilege he reserves entirely for himself, and exercises with great loving care. The principal crime of the state is to usurp that control, introducing initiated violence and thus destroying the possibility of a peaceful, voluntary society.

Thankfully, God has promised to destroy (Daniel 3), and is progressively destroying, these evil fiefdoms of satan. He is gradually advancing his Kingdom a bit at a time throughout the world. I see bitcoin and nostr and other decentralized technologies as clear evidence of the advance of Jesus’ kingdom, and I deeply appreciate the hard work of all of the developers, thinkers, creators, and inventors working to that end. The tools that you and others like you are creating are restoring our property rights, despite the predatory action of all states everywhere.

God has made Jesus’ followers “fellow heirs” of his Son, Jesus himself (Isaiah 65, Romans 8), and has promised to restore all of creation and wipe away all our tears. The apostles spoke of this as “the restoration of all things,” and it will be the final consummation of the mystical marriage of King Jesus and his followers.

Yeah, I am very duty-bound and constant, which makes up for a lot. People who can’t simply stick to what they promised, regardless of any raging hormones, are NGMI.

It’s like with anything: remove the outer controls and only those with inner controls can handle the freedom successfully.

I am wary of confusing cause and effect.

All people are called to marriage (some are also called to celibacy, long story), and if they are Christians then they are supposed to have covenantal or even sacramental forms of marriage. Through which they can learn about the relationship between Christ (the groom) and the Church (his bride). And through their union children will often spring and we should be happily accepting them and grateful that we are managing to truly fill the Earth. Amen.

But.

Focusing on philosophy, childbearing, romantic union, sex, etc. tends to lead to the discounting of marriage because marriage-y relationships or interactions can look an awful lot like marriage and initially seem to provide similar benefits. Patchwork families, shacking up, serial monogamy, gay marriage, polygamy, etc.

The thing that really cemented the persistence and exclusivity of marriage, and is a major component in why it tends to be of concrete benefit to both the spouses and their offspring and wider relations and community, was its association with property ownership and inheritance. Even the physical bodies of each spouse was seen quite concretely as the property of the other spouse (as we see in 1 Corin. 7), and men are admonished to share their property to their wives in Ephesians 5.

I think a problem is that Adam and Eve are seen as being without property, but they actually owned the Earth and were tasked with subduing it. It is their childrens’ fate to own smaller and smaller bits of the Earth. But owning property and passing that property on to our progeny, is done primarily through marriage.

I guess I married the odd duck who has 0 interest in all that purported freedom. It is kinda weird. I think we might be breeding high libido out of the population. People who have it contracept or abort. We’ll be left with the genetics that see procreation as a duty rather than a pleasure.

Yes we will still select for those that take pleasure in it, but the main driver will be the sense of duty.

Hello, Friend @Laserin,

“We need to remember why marriage exists.”

As interesting (and disturbing!) as I find your history lesson, I’m here to remind us all of the much older, arguably more important reasons…

Going back to the very first chapters of Genesis, we see that marriage is a “creation ordinance,” i.e., a loving prescription from our Creator God for a fundamental, cooperative, complementary union to propagate, expand, bless, and benefit humanity.

Later in Scripture, we observe and learn that from that union flow all the blessings and benefits you’ve alluded to, particularly a loving, safe, and stable context within which children can grow and learn to become healthy and successful adult members of their community, gifted and capable of creatively blessing the world.

Finally, the Bible insists that the ultimate purpose of marriage (when done right; Ephesians chapter 5) is misteriously symbolic, a living and breathing “explainer” of the almost unimaginably comprehensive love of Jesus/God for his Bride, his beloved assembly of followers from every tribe, tongue, nation, and kindred.

The other historically associated claptrap you’ve written of (taxation, etc.) are naught but satanically inspired aberrations intended to weaken, discourage, and destroy God-ordained marriages and families, and they need to be universally and vigorously disdained and utterly done away with.

I was thinking about this, this morning, after writing

by Laeserin

May 10 2026

Call Her Daddy's Dating Advice

I watched this episode of _Call Her Daddy_, so that you don't have to.

Even good husbands are an unattractive prospect to many women. You are supposed to have sex with them and not with anyone else, for instance. Until at least one of you dies. That’s already considered an incredible, inhumanely painful burden. Even some women who marry, today, simply skip this rule and insist upon open marriages, polyamory, etc.

Back when marriage rates were higher, nobody seemed to realize how many women would want to hold onto the option of promiscuity. Everyone thought women were romantic and loyal by nature, but the lifting of societal rules and the birth control pill immediately led to a storm of casual sex that has since gone nearly exponential. Even the women who tend to be romantic and loyal by nature regularly run into opportunities to stray and have to remain vigilant and wary of being seduced.

Men have always had a bad reputation concerning fidelity, but female chastity turns out to be heroic virtue and our society wasn’t set up with that knowledge included in the design.

I would adjust, better off without marriage to a point and by material measures. Certainly there will always be some fraction who will do better un-married through all phases of life simply because there is some fraction of men who will make their existence worse by mere proximity.